i'm getting paid for this

Since I only have 2 days left at the current company I am working for I started to reminisce and think what my biggest time wasters at work were. Now even though I'm writing an entire blog entry about non work related activities I engage in while in the office, I'm pretty comfortable in saying that I work very hard. In fact, part of the reason I decided to leave this company was because I felt that for as much dedication I put into my job, I didn't feel that my efforts were being rewarded. But that's just me bitch bitch bitching....

So here is a list of some of my 3 most prominent "just fucking around" related task that I got paid to do.

3. Checking my bank of america account activity

I know that this doesn't look very interesting but this was one probably the only website that I wouldn't have to worry about if my boss were to catch me with it up on my computer. The reason I feel this way is because the job that I have now has us on bank websites all day, regardless of whether or not we are working or not. Plus if I ever get called out on it, there have been plenty of times that I have seen personal banking info on other people's computers as well. But if you tried to have fun with your money the way I do, then it would be a clear time killer. One thing I really like to do is try to find my purchasing history from past vacations or trips. But when I look back, I never try to use it to budget my future finances. For example, one time I tried to figure out how much money I spent in Europe 2 years ago. I can't remember how much it was but it was ridiculous.

2. Updating my fantasy baseball team

Surprisingly enough, yahoo sports somehow managed to sneak it's way through our company filters. I'm not ashamed to admit that my knowledge of the mlb players is rather poor. Prior to our online draft, I would say that I didn't know two-thirds of the top 30 players. But for some reason I managed to pick an awesome team and am in first place of the entire league. Luckily I really haven't had to add/drop many players either because all of them are staying relatively healthy. So whenever I look up my team at work I always just read the latest headlines about each of my players and decide which players to bench or play. This usually doesn't take out that much time of my day though. I would say 10 minutes max. It's not hard for me to make the decision that I should probably bench Kevin Youkilis who was complaining of vision problems after getting tagged in the face by a wild pitch from the game before.

1. Text Messaging

The problem with my text messaging habits at work is that they serve no informational purposes. Pretty much what I do is I'll be at work day dreaming and then think of something funny, whether it be a quote from The Office, a movie, or something one of us happened to say. Then I'll take that same exact thought and just send it to someone. Here are a couple examples of some text messages I have sent out.
1. "okay......correct"
2. "i'm fuct...but of 'blank' was here...she'd be fuct!!!"
3. "munich....ohhh munich!"
4. "robert's in the club....'so and so's' wants a thug"
5. "ah...taba (pinch checks)"

Dwight,

At 8 AM today, someone poisons the coffee. Do NOT drink the coffee. More instructions will follow.

Cordially, Future Dwight.

Is it weird that I am kind of relieved that the Warriors didn't make it to the playoffs? Now don't get me wrong, I would have loved to see the Warriors steal that 8th spot from Denver.  But after watching the Warriors miraculously sneak into the 8th spot last year, defeat the Mavericks, and then lose to the Utah Jazz, was pretty stressful. Not only did every game seem dangerously close, but simply taking my eyes of the screen was a big risk. Every single play seemed as if it was worthy of espn's top 10. 

The other reason that I find relief in my team's failure to make the playoffs is because it will reaffirm that the majority of Warrior fans are not bad wagon jumpers. Whenever I tell people I am a Golden State fan, I worry that they think I am falling into the "we believe" pandemonium. Well now that they didn't make it, maybe I won't have to worry about my insecurities.  But interestingly enough, before last year's amazing run, I heard that the attendance at Oracle has continued to increase year after year despite having mediocre seasons.  

Farsight

I have decided to dedicate this blog to my brother's n64 glory days. I am specifically speaking about Perfect Dark. Now simply saying that Alan was "good" at this game would have been both a large understatement and highly incorrect. It would be like calling the warm beverage that I am drinking "coffee" when it is clearly a "mocachino." The best way to describe Alan's talent is summed up with a quote by my good friend Robert Ocampo, "How do you have such immaculate aim?"

No matter what senario you were playing and how much talent you thought you had, Alan was always better than you. And if you thought you were good at a Perfect Dark, he reassured you, and anyone else who happened to be watching, that your were actually terrible.


The quote by Robert can be used as a sort of epistemological claim if you will to define his greatness. Just as the philosopher Descartes proved that he actually exist by saying "Cogrito ergo sum" (i think therefore i am), Robert proves that Alan is a god at Perfect Dark when he says "how do you have such immaculate aim?" By using the word "immaculate" Robert perfectly describes how unfathomable and ridiculous it could be when playing against him at this game.


Let me just give a small glimpse of just how crazy Alan was at this game. If you had a body armor, an overshield, invisibility, and the best weapon in the entire level and you knew that alan's character had just re-spawned with a pistol that only had 5 bullets in it, he would somehow be able to score the kill you the second he poped up on your screen.


If Perfect Dark were the Matrix, then Alan would have been Neo. Now when I say Neo, I mean after he figures out that he is "The One." In the earlier scenes of the movie, Morpheus tells Neo that the Matrix operates on a system of rules. Morpheus says, "yet their strength and their speed are still based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be." Everyone who played Perfect Dark had to follow the rules that the game created. Alan on the other hand was not held down by the limitations of the game. He could throw a remote mine on your back and then purposely run to the complete opposite side of the level and shoot you. I wish I got that on video. If Youtube happened to be out then, that could have possibly have made alan instantly famous. Alan was "The One" when it came to Perfect Dark. If only I had that on video. I could have showed it to anyone who hadn't seen what I am talking about and say, "Do you believe me now Trinity?"



*For those of you who are not familiar with The Matrix, let me give you another comparison. Playing Perfect Dark against Alan would have been like playing chess against someone who always had you on checkmate. No matter what your next move would be, you're dead. Sound frustrating? It was...especially when Alan was chuckling the whole time.*


More instructions to follow...

fact...

Fact, I have decided to start a blog. My only hope is that my writing will be as clever and witty as two other blogs that i follow very closely. Just to give a heads up to anyone who will actually be reading these posts, i am a bad speller. I have known this since I was in first grade and understand my short comings as human being. The other day I mispelled McSkillet Burrito. I apologize if I do not realize my spell checker is off.


Oh yeah and incase anyone was wondering, the aba number for Bank of america is 026009593. The Wells Fargo aba no is 121000248. For those of you who do not know, an aba number is basically a code that each bank is given by the federal reserve. This is the number that banks use to determine where to take money from when you deposit a check and your acct number tells them who specifically to debit. Interesting?...of course not.